Olivia’s Blog

… Well, actually, that’s the message YOU should be giving THEM. In your mind, it should be all about them– because in essence, charisma is all about how you make people feel about themselves.
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One good example comes from the field of marketing, where Randy Gage advised at the NSA Convention: Take a look at your marketing materials. Using two different color highlighters, use one color for things relating to yourself, another relating to your client– what suggests benefits to them, the reader. If the second color doesn’t predominate, you have a problem.
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The same could be said of your emails. Read your past messages– how often does the word “I” appear, as opposed to the word “you?” Change your wording! Instead of saying “The O’Dwyer newsletter has some great tips on that subject,” say “You might find great tips on the subject in the O’Dwyer newsletter.” Or you can simply insert, “You know…,” before any sentence to make them instantly perk up and pay attention.
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Does the email speak of you, and your interest first? Theirs only second? Flip it around! Just cut, copy and paste so whatever pertains to them shows up instantly. In your conversations, your marketing materials, your body language, your everything, remember– it’s all about them.

Of course, you can consciously control a certain amount of your body language. But first, that takes effort; and second, it’s only a fraction of the 10,000+ signals you put out in each and every conversation. After all, your body is a 24/7 broadcasting network. Trying to control each and every one of these simultaneously, to achieve true coherence, would be absolutely mind-boggling!
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This may be why some great actors admit to being utterly exhausted, utterly spent, after a great performance. And if you don’t achieve complete coherence, you end up sending “mixed signals”–which people interpret as “there’s something wrong with his message”.
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Instead, go straight to the source of your non-verbal communication: the subconscious mind. If you can convince your mind that you really are feeling the emotion you want to broadcast, then your entire body language will fall into step. Hence, why other great actors “get into character”, aiming to “be” their character in order to achieve coherence (you may have heard of this as “method” acting). So how does one achieve this magic? Remember, the subconscious mind does not distinguish between imagination and reality.
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Have you ever felt your heart pounding and your blood curdling during a scary movie? Consciously, you know it’s just a movie.  The actors you’re seeing on screen are probably delighted to look like they’re having their heads chopped off in exchange for a couple million dollars. Yet your brain sees blood and guts on the screen, so it sends you straight into fight-or-flight mode, complete with adrenaline rushing through your system.
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Targeted imagination can also be called visualization. In sports, visualization has been considered an essential tool for decades. Professional athletes will spend hours visualizing their victory, telling their mind just what they want their body to achieve. Golfer Jack Nicklaus said that he never hit a shot, even during practice, without visualizing it first.
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So how does it work? Relax, and close your eyes—you’ll need your full powers of concentration. Now focus, and make it real. To make your imagery most effective, involve all five senses. Guided imagery must be precise, vivid, and detailed to be effective, says Harvard-trained specialist Stephen Krauss. When visualization was used with the 1976 Olympic ski team, precision and detail were crucial to the process. Skiers visualized themselves careening through the entire course, experiencing each bump and turn in their minds.
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If you want to broadcast a warm-and-friendly body language, imagine you’re meeting a loved one. Hear the laughter you shared together, taste the hot toddies you drank, smell the wood fire burning, feel the snowballs you threw at each other. Above all, experience all the warm emotions and sensations rising. Your brain will accept it as real; your body language will broadcast the warmth, and they will melt!

Does it work? Well, it has some pretty accurate readings so far.. Try it for yourself and see:
RealScoop uses “proven voice analysis technology to analyze statements made by public figures. The believability meter analyzes each celebrity video second by second, displaying the real-time results in a color-coded manner from left to right. The most believable statements are green, gradually turning red as they become more questionable.”

Thanks to Jon Koifman for bringing this study to our attention

A few quick charisma tips “on air” by your favourite charisma coach! Olivia “on air” on Mike Caruther’s  “Something you should know” :
Segment 1 and Segment 2

An excellent article by Carmine Gallo condenses “the 10 elements that you can combine to dazzle your own audience”– a few excerpts here:

1. Set the theme. “There is something in the air today.” With those words, Jobs opened Macworld. Last year, it was: “Today Apple reinvents the phone.” Once you identify your theme, make sure you deliver it several times throughout your presentation.

2. Demonstrate enthusiasm. If you are not enthusiastic about your own products or services, how do you expect your audience to be?

3. Provide an outline. Jobs outlined the presentation by saying, “There are four things I want to talk about today. So let’s get started…” Make lists and provide your audience with guideposts along the way.

4. Make numbers meaningful. Jobs pointed out that Apple’s market share equals the share of its top three competitors combined. Numbers don’t mean much unless they are placed in context. Connect the dots for your listeners.

5. Try for an unforgettable moment–Jobs drew cheers by opening a manila interoffice envelope and holding the laptop for everyone to see.

6. Create visual slides. There is very little text on a Steve Jobs slide. Most of the slides simply show one image. For example, his phrase “The first thing I want to talk to you about today…” was accompanied by a slide with the numeral 1. That’s it. Just the number. When Jobs discussed a specific product like the iPhone, the audience saw a slide with an image of the product.

7. Give ‘em a show. Jobs includes video clips, demonstrations, and guests he shares the stage with.

8. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Despite your best preparation, something might go wrong as it did during the keynote. Few will remember a glitch unless you call attention to it.

9. Sell the benefit. Your listeners are always asking themselves, “What’s in it for me?” Answer the question. Don’t make them guess. Clearly state the benefit of every service, feature, or product.

10. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Apple employees say Jobs rehearses the entire presentation aloud for many hours. Nothing is taken for granted.

Thanks for Guillaume Cabane for bringing this article to our attention

In one classic study of the effect of expectations, teachers told about a group of students within their class, and told that the kids had been “discovered” as overlooked geniuses. They were told the students’ whose brilliance hadn’t shown up in their schoolwork because they’d not been challenged enough.

The teachers weren’t allowed to tell the students about this discovery, and were asked to conduct their classes as planned. The students had, in fact, been randomly selected by computer. Yet what do you think happened by the end of the year?

The students showed improve school results, improved attitude, and even–get this–higher IQ scores. In reality, of course, the students had been randomly selected by a computer. They had no particular genius, but the teachers now believed they did– and that made all the difference.

In study after study, people of all ages and walks of life have proven that they will live up — or down — to your expectations. The school-setting study was repeated in many different forms, with always the same results.

An excellent synopsis by the New York Times of the way synchronizing your body language with your conversation partners’ can get them to pick up your dropped items, support your causes, buy your product…. And more.

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Thanks to Greg Levin for bringing up this article!

Smiling affects how we speak, to the point that listeners can identify the type of smile based on sound alone, according to a study by scientists at the University of Portsmouth.

The research, which also suggested that some people have “smilier” voices than others, adds to the growing body of evidence that smiling and other expressions pack a strong informational punch and may even impact us on a subliminal level.

“When we listen to people speaking we may be picking up on all sorts of cues, even unconsciously, which help us to interpret the speaker,” said lead author of the report, Amy Drahota.

Researchers videotaped the volunteers and then categorized their smile types. It’s believed that some 50 different types of smiles exist, ranging from triumphant ones to those that convey bitterness. For the purposes of this study, however, the scientists focused on four types.

Drahota described the first as an open smile “in which the lips are drawn back, the cheeks are raised and crows-feet wrinkles appear around the eyes.” Technically this is called a Duchenne smile, which may be the truest and most intense of all.

The second smile type is like the Duchenne, only minus the “smiley eyes.” The third is a suppressed smile, “where the speaker is trying to hide their smile by pulling their lips in or down as they speak.” Finally, they denoted times when the speakers weren’t smiling at all.

The audio for the interviews was then played back to another group of test subjects. Even without seeing the speakers, the listeners were able to hear the different types of smile the speaker made as he or she went through the wacky interview.

“A voice contains a variety of acoustical characteristics” said Drahota. “It’s possible that we interpret these ‘flavours’ in someone’s voice almost without noticing.”

Thanks to Jon Koifman for bringing this study to our attention

C) Positioning channels: Where can you broadcast your brand? In which circles do you need to position yourself as an expert? I won’t expand on networking here, as the rest of the website is chock-full of networking tools. Here are a few other avenues:

-Writing: Believe it or not, writing (even for major papers) is not done for visibility. Few of your targets will happen to read your article by chance– and even if they do, they may not remember who the author was! I was once called by one of my top contacts, excitedly telling me about a great article she’d read somewhere and that I just had to take a look at… An article of which I, in fact, was the author. On the other hand, having your articles published in prestigious outlets can lend you great credibility when you send it to your top contacts. Better yet, you can use the article as an excuse to quote your current and aspriational top contacts:
- it gives you a very flattering reason to call people you’ve always wanted to know
- it’s a good way to keep in touch with your top contacts
- if they’re quoted, you can be sure they’ll pass it around to their contacts– more visibility for you
- it makes for a better article, with more real-life examples and alternative view points
- it means less work for you!

-Speaking can bring you both visibility and credibility. You can speak in a variety of venues, including service organizations and universities– just ask a student or a member to recommend you. Always coach people on how to recommend you–tell them what to say and who to say it to. Make it foolproof, make it easy, don’t make them work– you can even write the recommendation for them.The best book on the subject of speaking is Alan Weiss’ Money Talks.

-The media, of course, is the royal road to exposure. But you have to think from their perspective–imagine yourself leading a journalist’s life. They’re constantly under deadline to produce stories, constantly worried about inaccurate facts, constantly hounded by their editors (trust me. I used to write for Forbes..) So make it easy for them: give them the right angle (theirs– research their old articles and you’ll know which ones they favor), a big story (blood, tears, scandal or laughter), solid facts all bullet-pointed-out.

A) Where are you starting from? As we’ve seen, you have a brand already– you may just not be aware of it. What’s your current brand?

• Is it hurting you? If so, damage control should be your first priority.
• How far is your current brand from your ideal brand? That’ll give you an idea of how much work/effort/time it’ll take.
• What elements do you already have, which must you change, what do you need to acquire?

B) Master your universe: What do you need to know about your field?

• The media: journalists, shows, nls, radio, publications
• Organizations of all ilk: charities, associations, trade, clubs, civic…
• With people: leaders, followers, clients, vendors
• The geography: hubs, hot spots
• Education: workshops, training, seminars