1. Don't tell them they're wrong. Even if they
are, pointing it out will just drive them to:
•Cling even more stubbornly to their position
•Like you less-- it's rationalization at work.
2. Don't interrupt. Hear them out completely,
and keep an open body language.
3. Do count to five after they finish speaking
before you say a word to make sure they've said
all they had to say.
4. Don't disagree with their feelings, even if
you don't agree with the facts.
5. Do start by rephrasing their complaint to
make sure you've heard it correctly and show
them you've listened.
6. Don't try to unlock their minds until you've
unlocked their bodies: if they're sitting, hand
them something so they have to reach for it.
Above all else, Remember the Golden Rule of
Interpersonal Communication: people trust people
who are like them. The more you can adapt your
voice, language, and choice of words to theirs,
the more comfortable they will feel around you.
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Dear Olivia,
Here's wishing you a very merry Christmas- Hannukah-
Kwanzaa- whatever (being politically correct can get
pretty complicated...) I'll personally be spending it in
the Alps, but not on the slopes, as I somehow managed to
break my collar bone falling out of bed. When did I ever
pretend to be anything but an accident waiting to
happen? Ah well, more time to meet people...
Joyeux Noel!
Olivia
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More Than Words |
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The much-contested and oft-misquoted 1971 Mehrabian
study indicated that there are basically three elements
in any face-to-face communication: words, tone of voice,
and body language. In the very specific situation in
which he was testing the relative importance of these
elements, words accounted for 7%, tone of voice for 38%,
and body language for 55% of the message.
This study was unfortunately much maligned when
people quoted it as claiming that these percentages held
in any communication situation.
Nonetheless, the fact remains that much of your
message can be transmitted without words. I had the
pleasure yesterday evening of experiencing “Le Mystere
des Voix Bulgares”, a Bulgarian choral concert in New
York. One piece in particular struck me because,
although we couldn’t understand a word they were
singing, we felt as if we understood the entire song– a
traditional comic piece from the area of Shope.
Through their facial expressions, voice tones, body
languages, and significant pauses, the two women on
stage had us rolling in the aisles with laughter–without
the benefit of a single word.
So the next time you’re in a conversation, you might
want to focus less on finding the perfect words and more
on the other part of your message– how much you “drink
them in” with your eyes (a la Bill Clinton), what level
of interest you communicate through your body language,
your voice and your expressions.
Of course, if you’re writing an email, it’s a whole
‘nother ball game…
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Networking ROI |
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How do you decide where to invest your time and money
for maximum return on investment? Networking
pennypinchers beware: Some less expensive memberships
can end up costing more than paying ones.
Why? Simply because you need to evaluate both hard
costs (admission, transportation, drinks or food) and
soft costs (time spent, opportunity costs).
For instance, charity boards are usually more
expensive than chamber memberships, but members tend to
be highly successful businesspeople--it can yield far
higher results.
You might want to keep statistics such as number of
meetings attended at a particular organization, number
of contacts made and dollar amount of revenue generated,
which will give you a more objective view of whether and
how each group is helping your business.
Use the 80/20 rule here, too: 80% of your results
come from 20% of your networking activities. If you can
identify the top 20%, you know how to prioritize your
time.
This being said, you may also end up very suprised:
through the spreadsheet exercise, I realized that one of
my groups, with membership fees of $4,000 had brought in
about $40,000 worth of business. So far, so good. But
then, I realized that another organization with fees of
just $300 had brought in well over $30,000-- quite a
different ROI indeed.
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Hear Olivia
"Almost Live"! |
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Get a load of tips, tools and insider's secrets on
networking at parties-- and elsewhere-- almost live!
Olivia will be chatting with career maven Maggie Mistal
on Sirius Satellite Radio / Martha Stewart Omnimedia.
If you don't have Sirius, you can listen online (they
offer complimentary 3-day trials on their website).
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Upcoming Seminar:
Becoming a Master Communicator |
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The MIT Alumni Club Of New York
Proudly Presents...
Becoming a Master Communicator:
How to achieve greater influence and persuasion
An interactive seminar with Olivia Fox Cabane.
Event Date: Tuesday, January 31st, 2007
starting 6:30 p.m.
In this dynamic session, you will learn immediately
applicable tools to:
• Build and maintain extraordinary business
relationships;
• Reshape the business relationships that you already
have to whatever you want them to be;
• Master the power of nonverbal communication;
• Become a master of influence and persuasion;
Not an MIT alum? Not a problem! If you know any
alumni, they can bring you along as their guest. And if
you don't, let us know, we might just be able to find
you a "sponsor".
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Tell Me More! |
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