Fun Facts
@The power of the subconscious: Your mind, as a
whole, absorbs 11M bits of information per
second. That's right, eleven million. Per
second. How much of this are we consciously
aware of? Sixteen.
@ Have you ever noticed that people who've been
maried forever often look like each other? Guess
what--it's a fact: as we spend time together, we
mirror each other's lifestyles and body
language, including facial expressions. Which
end up shaping the face alike since they use the
same facial muscles.
You'll find lots more amazing stuff in Daniel
Goleman's newest book, Social Intelligence,
which I highly recommend.
Social Intelligence, which I highly recommend.
Ever wished you could read a person like a book?
Paul Ekman, the world's leading expert on facial
expession, now has
self-training CD used everywhere from your
average sales force to the FBI.
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Dear Olivia,
We're late, we're late, for a very important date!
Apologies for this very belated March newsletter-- to
set things right again, I'm just going to call it April.
Hope you'll play along.
Yours,
Olivia
ps: the brand new website has just gone live! Please do
tell me what you think about it:
askolivia.com
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When learning to adapt to other people-- be it by synchronizing
body language, voice, words or appearance-- my clients often
voice a common concern: Do you mean that I need to adopt a new
personality with each encounter? Doesn't that mean that I'm not
myself anymore?
No, of course not. Think of it this way: when a plumber goes to
repair a leaky faucet, is he better off having 16 tools in his
toolbox rather than just one? Of course-- that way, he'll be
able to pick the right tool for each job. That's exactly what
you're doing with interpersonal skills: choosing the right skill
for the right person. But just like the plumber stays the same
plumber no matter how many tools he has, or how few, you stay
the same person.
Here's another example: if you were traveling in France,
wouldn't you say you're better off if you speak fluent French?
Of course. Does it make you a different person, just because
you're speaking another language? Of course not. And that's
exactly what you're doing when you speak in their words, their
body language, their voice tones and dress codes: you're
speaking their language. But you are still the same person.
"Survival of the fittest", said Darwin. But fit for what? If a
fish suddenly experienced severe drought conditions, he would no
longer be fit for his environment. What would he need to be fit
again? To be able to adapt to the new conditions. As many
evolutionary psychologists have noted, this would be more
precisely said this way: Survival of the most adaptable. So go
ahead--stock your toolbox. Learn new languages. You'll have more
choices, more options--you'll be more adaptable. And you'll stay
you.
More thoughts in
the Pocket Guide....
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FDR and Fireside Chats |
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An epoch in the history of American politics
was the advent of FDR's "fireside chats".
Until then, presidential addresses were
formal affairs. He changed all that-- from a
lecture to a faceless audience, the address
became a warm, intimate conversation with
ONE person. Today, the great public speakers
emulate that: no matter how many people are
in the audience, you feel as if they're
speaking directly to you. (Think Bill
Clinton).
So what are the components of a fireside
chat?
- It's a chat, not a lecture: a
conversation, a dialogue. And it is (or at
least appears as if it were) unscripted--
how many warm, intimate conversations have
you had by reading from a script? It should
appear spontaneous. You can memorize your
speech if you wish, or use only bullet
points--do whatever it takes.
- it's intimate. What are the components of
intimacy? Trust, feeling you can show
vulnerability-- and you have to take the
first step. So bring your guard down. Be
human--if you make mistakes, great!
Acknowledge them, and laugh about them.
In the end, it's really about how relaxed
you are, how much you enjoy the speech
you're giving--the audience will pick up on
that. So visualize yourself sitting by a
fire, telling stories to your nieces and
nephews, or to your favourite group of
friends..
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More thoughts in
the Pocket Guide.... |
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